Our house is my sanctuary... I do not have the opportunity to get out and meet with friends much, so I have a conversation in my Facebook private messages titled, "Coffee with Friends," and when a silly or serious thought comes to mind or I just need some "human interaction" I "talk" to them and it is truly like going out to have coffee with friends...
With our home being my sanctuary, my garden is where HOPEISM blooms for me... Whenever I'm bummed about autism, about seizures, about anything, I can always go out in my garden and find HOPEISM somewhere, in something. In finding a new color Dragonfly, finally getting a picture of a butterfly after chasing it around, or in a new vegetable bloom. Despite the few things that disappoint me in my garden, like the invasion of the stink-bug and the things that didn't do so well, there are still more things that did well than didn't. Sometimes the HOPEISM is bold and bright in a new flower bloom, and other times I have to search for it in finding baby frogs. Watching the new crew of baby lizards brings a smile to my face and remembering how my garden was bare in January and more than abundant in June - all of these things give me HOPEISM and renews my faith.
And my faith needed renewal this morning.
Brandon was up with myoclonic seizures early, early, early. He can have hundreds of tiny myoclonic twitches, but seldom does he have the big myoclonic jerks as if struck by lightening. This morning was one of those times. He cries out and all I can do is run in there and lay beside him until the cramp goes away. It was no surprise that a Grand Mal would eventually follow. And it did... After he was resting from it, I went downstairs to walk through my garden for a few moments. Ever anxious to see what would bring me the HOPEISM I desperately cling to each day. So tired of seizures. So tired of autism. So tired of waiting for prayers in both of those things to be answered!
Before I even got downstairs, I saw it from the stair landing. The green chrysalis had turned translucent. I gasped and ran down the rest of the stairs to grab my camera saying a "Hail Mary" that I wouldn't miss seeing the butterfly before it flew away... With camera in hand I got outside in the Log Cabin just in time to see that butterfly out of its chrysalis stretching its wings. I had just enough time to snap one picture before he flew away. I didn't even have time to focus the lens, I just pointed and clicked and hoped the picture would be clear!
Such timing.
I was crushed by the seizure this morning, and would have been crushed even more if I had to deal with that all day while knowing I missed seeing the butterfly...
I could do nothing but stand there beside the empty chrysalis and think of the empty tomb. I was so excited by the miracle of seeing that butterfly fly away from the chrysalis, I can't even imagine what it must have been like to have seen the empty tomb and the promise of eternal life it symbolized.
HOPEISM may not always heal in the way I pray for it to -- or when I want it to -- but as I experienced this morning, God's timing is always, always, always perfect and I am always, always, always transformed by simply having faith in the HOPEISM of Him.
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